How to cope when holidays bring up grief, family tension, and pressure

As the winter holidays approach, advertisements and media project images of warmth and seamless family connection. Not everyone feels the joy. Some experience a rise in anxiety and dread — even grief — and then feel out of step for not being happy. Here’s an important seasonal reminder: It’s not a personal failure to find the holidays emotionally complicated. kAm}@CE9H6== w62=E9 @776CD :?D:89E :?E@ H9J E96D6 6>@E:@?2= C624E:@?D 42? 36 2 ?2EFC2= C6DA@?D6 E@ E96 82A 36EH66? 9@=:52J 6IA64E2E:@?D 2?5 C62=:EJ[ 2?5 9@H E@ 4@A6 H96? AC6DDFC6 E@ 766= 76DE:G6 42FD6D DEC6DD]k^Am kAm}2G:82E:?8 =@DD[ 7@C 6I2>A=6[ 42? 36 A2CE:4F=2C=J 5:77:4F=E 2C@F?5 E96 9@=:52JD] %C25:E:@?D — 46CE2:? 7@@5D[ 24E:G:E:6D[ 2?5 2??F2= 82E96C:?8D — 42? 24E 2D C6>:?56CD E92E >2<6 2 =@G65 @?6’D 23D6?46 766= >@C6 ?@E:4623=6] %9:D @7E6? 4C62E6D 2 BF:6E 4@?7=:4E 36EH66? E96 AC6DDFC6 E@ 46=63C2E6 2?5 E96 H6:89E @7 D25?6DD] xE 42? 96=A E@ F?56CDE2?5 E92E ;@J 2?5 8C:67 >2J 6I:DE E@86E96C] %96C6 :D ?@ 8F:563@@< 7@C ?2G:82E:?8 E9:D[ 3FE :E >2J 96=A E@ C6>6>36C E92E 6>@E:@?2= C64@G6CJ E2<6D E:>6] (96? H6’C6 C625J[ 2?5 H:E9 DFAA@CE:G6 =@G65 @?6D[ H6 42? 8C25F2==J 4C62E6 ?6H EC25:E:@?D @C 56C:G6 ?6H >62?:?8 7C@> @=5 EC25:E:@?D E92E >2<6 E96 D62D@? 62D:6C] k^Am kAmp?@E96C 4@>>@? 9@=:52J\E:>6 492==6?86 :?G@=G6D 4@>A=6I 72>:=J 5J?2>:4D] tG6? DF446DD7F=[ :?56A6?56?E 25F=ED 42? 7:?5 E96>D6=G6D 766=:?8 =:<6 5676?D:G6 E66?286CD E96 >@>6?E E96J C6EFC? E@ E96:C 49:=59@@5 9@>6D] u2>:=:6D @A6C2E6 2D DJDE6>D H:E9 F?HC:EE6? CF=6D] %@ <66A E9:?8D DE23=6 2?5 AC65:4E23=6[ E96D6 DJDE6>D @7E6? AF== :?5:G:5F2=D 324< :?E@ @=5 49:=59@@5 C@=6D] $@>6@?6 H9@ 92D H@C<65 92C5 E@ 6DE23=:D9 6>@E:@?2= :?56A6?56?46 2?5 3@F?52C:6D >:89E 7:?5 E9@D6 249:6G6>6?ED 492==6?865 @C F?56C>:?65] !6@A=6 7C6BF6?E=J 5672F=E E@ A=2J:?8 @=5 C@=6D D:>A=J E@ 2G@:5 4@?7=:4E[ 2 AC@46DD E92E 42? 36 5C2:?:?8 2?5 6G6? >:DC6AC6D6?E E96 A6CD@? E96J’G6 364@>6]k^Am kAm!C@E64E:?8 >6?E2= 962=E9 5FC:?8 72>:=J G:D:ED C6BF:C6D AC24E:42= DEC2E68:6D] u:CDE[ :=J C6=2E:@?D9:AD 2C6 AC65:4E23=6 42? 36 2? 25G2?E286] u2>:=J 3692G:@C :D 9:89=J 4@?D:DE6?Ej :?5:G:5F2=D 42? 2?E:4:A2E6 “EJA:42=” :?G2D:G6 BF6DE:@?D @C 4C:E:4:D>D] !C6A2C:?8 D:>A=6[ 5:C64E C6DA@?D6D 29625 @7 E:>6 96=AD] p A@=:E6[ ?6FEC2= 2?DH6C E92E 492?86D E96 DF3;64E H@CA=6 DE2E6>6?E =:<6 Q%9:?8D 2C6 8@:?8 H6==[ E92?2?286 9@H @?6 92?5=6D 2 C6=2E:G6VD C624E:@?[ C2E96C E92? ECJ:?8 E@ >66E E92E C6=2E:G6VD 6IA64E2E:@?D] k^Am kAm$64@?5[ =@@<:?8 7@C E96 >@E:G6 369:?5 5:77:4F=E BF6DE:@?D 42? 492?86 E96 72>:=J 5J?2>:4] (96? C6=2E:G6D ACJ :?E@ 42C66C @C C6=2E:@?D9:A 49@:46D[ E9@D6 BF6DE:@?D @7E6? DE6> 7C@> E96:C @H? >@E:G6D @C 6IA64E2E:@?D[ 3FE 42? 36 :?E6CAC6E65 @C 76=E 2D ;F58>6?E2=] #64@8?:K:?8 E9:D 96=AD =@H6C :?E6C?2= E6?D:@?[ >2<:?8 :E 62D:6C E@ @776C A2E:6?46 H:E9@FE E2<:?8 E96 4@>>6?ED A6CD@?2==J]k^Am kAmrC62E:?8 A9JD:42= DA246 42? 2=D@ 36 6DD6?E:2=] $E6AA:?8 2H2J 7@C 2 BF:6E H2=< AC@G:56D 2 ?646DD2CJ 3C62<[ 6DA64:2==J :7 72>:=J >6>36CD 2C6 DE2J:?8 F?56C @?6 C@@7] x56?E:7J:?8 2? F?56CDE2?5:?8 2==J :? E96 C@@> AC@G:56D 2 D6?D6 @7 4@??64E:@?] u@C D@>6[ DE2J:?8 2E 2 9@E6= @C H:E9 2 7C:6?5[ :?DE625 @7 E96 72>:=J 9@>6[ @776CD 2 4CF4:2= DA246 E@ C6492C86]k^Am kAm&=E:>2E6=J[ E96 8@2= @7 E96 D62D@? :D ?@E E@ 4C62E6 2 7=2H=6DD 9@=:52J[ 3FE E@ <66A @?6VD 7@@E:?8] u@4FD:?8 @? E96 D>2== E9:?8D H:E9:? @?6VD 4@?EC@= — =:<6 E2<:?8 3C62:ED[ 2?5 A=2??:?8 C6DA@?D6D E@ 5:77:4F=E BF6DE:@?D — 42? >2<6 2 5:776C6?46] (96? 9@=:52J DEC6DD 5:DCFAED D=66A[ H@C<[ @C 52:=J =:76[ DA62<:?8 H:E9 2 >6?E2= 962=E9 AC@76DD:@?2= :D 2 AC24E:42= ?6IE DE6A]k^Am kAm%2<:?8 E96 AC6DDFC6 @77 E96 D62D@? DE2CED H:E9 7@4FD:?8 =6DD @? @E96CD’ 6IA64E2E:@?D 2?5 @776C:?8 2 3:E @7 8C246 E@ 6G6CJ@?6[ :?4=F5:?8 @?6D6=7] pAAC@249:?8 E96D6 82E96C:?8D H:E9 C62=:DE:4 3@F?52C:6D 2==@HD :?5:G:5F2=D E@ ?2G:82E6 E96 9@=:52JD @? E96:C @H? E6C>D[ H:E9 E96:C A6246 @7 >:?5 :?E24E]k^Am kAmk6>mr9C:DE@A96C u:D96C !DJs[ |$t5 :D 2 5:C64E@C @7 q692G:@C2= w62=E9[ p5F=E ~FEA2E:6?E !DJ49:2ECJ 2E }@CE9H6== w62=E9]k^6>mk^Am kAmk2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?@CE9H6==]65F^?6HD^:?D:89ED^4@A:?8\8C:67\72>:=J\E6?D:@?\9@=:52JDQmk6>m%9:D DE@CJk^6>mk^2mk6>m H2D AC@5F465 3Jk^6>m k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?@CE9H6==]65FQmk6>m}@CE9H6== w62=E9k^6>mk^2mk6>m 2?5 C6G:6H65 2?5 5:DEC:3FE65 3Jk^6>m k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^9F3D]=2^"_b<=8$#_Q C6=lQ?@7@==@HQmk6>m$E24<6Ck^6>mk^2mk6>m]k^6>mk^Am